We started the evening at our favorite restaurant. It was our third anniversary and Jason reserved the same table where we had our first date. He did this every year but it never failed to make me smile. There was a single red rose at the center of the table, the same kind he surprised me with when he picked me up at home not an hour before. They were in full bloom and I had never smelled any as strong and sweet as those. Well, no, wait, that wasn't true. I remember a particularly stunning bouquet of a dozen roses that smelled so strongly it filled the whole room. It was back when I dated Tyler-- But that was long ago. Strange that it came to mind at all.
The dinner was exquisite. When it was over, I stood and turned toward the exit of the restaurant that led down toward the shops. I had assumed we would go on our usual walk through the marketplace and admire the lights, but Jason gently grabbed my hand and said, "I have a surprise for you." His light brown eyes shone with excitement and...something else. Was he nervous?
He led me back to the car and drove to the park where we first met. It's strange, it was actually the park Tyler took me to on a surprise picnic; I had returned to it one day, years after we broke up, not sure of what I was looking for, when I bumped into Jason. I shook my head to clear my thoughts. All these flashbacks were probably the work of that strange dream I had the other night. But it was nothing, not even worth mentioning to Jason. The dream was innocent enough, if only random, since it involved a coffee shop and I don't drink coffee; so I didn't spend much time on it. Or at least I wouldn't if the flashbacks would stop.
Jason circled the car and opened my door, offering his hand. I smiled like a smitten schoolgirl: His chivalry always made my heart melt. We walked towards the lake together, my heels clicking softly on the sidewalk. The air was a little chilly, and there was just enough of a breeze to make my dress dance around my ankles, but thankfully not enough to pose a risk of a wardrobe malfunction. He wore a new suit for the occasion, I realized. It was black, but flattered his body well, and the green tie brought out the browns of his eyes, even in the night.
"You look really handsome tonight," I said aloud.
He stopped walking and beamed down at me. Guiding me gently by the hand, he twirled me around in a spin. "And you look absolutely beautiful."
I giggled and looked away, fighting a blush, but he cupped my cheek and led me back into a kiss. It was soft, and as we resumed our walking I no longer felt the cold. Still, I couldn't help but realize that every one of our kisses had always been tender. In three years neither one of us had ever let go and lost ourselves in a passionate, heated kiss. It wasn't like that with Tyler... But who was to say that was a bad thing? It only meant we were in more control of ourselves, right? After all, Jason and I were knocking on thirty -- far from the whimsical years of our early twenties when it was easy to give into our hormones.
I lost my train of thought as I noticed something flickering up ahead. We were almost at the lake now and something was casting patterns onto the water. As we took the first steps down toward the shore, I saw it all:
Candles. Dozens of them. Positioned in a wide half-circle around a single chair. The sight was breath-taking, but left my mind reeling with questions. Why was there only one chair? Who had arranged all the candles? Was someone else there with us? Did Jason plan all of this or were we about to intrude on someone else's evening?
My last question was answered when Jason walked me to the chair and guided me to sit. He handed me a single rose -- it must have been laying on the ground beside the chair -- and spoke my name as delicately as I held the flower. His eyes flickered in the candlelight, but I could see he was no longer nervous.
He knelt on one knee, and I found myself inhaling sharply as he pulled out a small box from his jacket pocket. He held it out to me, still closed, while I covered my mouth with one hand and tried desperately not to cry. He spoke my name again.
"From the moment I met you, I knew I had found something that would change my life forever. And every moment I've spent with you since has proven to me that it is something I cannot go back to living without. You are my missing piece, my better half. And if you'll let me, I'd like to spend the rest of my life trying to be the same for you..."
He opened the box. The stone was stunning and sparkled more than the water behind him; and the band of silver swirled around it like a wave, reflecting the candlelight so that it almost looked like fire.
"...Will you marry me?"
It was all so perfect. Our special place, candlelight, words that left me hopelessly crying, and a man who was looking at me with all the love I could ever need. It was all like I imagined it would be. I placed the rose in my lap and wiped at my eyes, unable to control the grin that had spread from ear to ear. I reopened my eyes to meet his, expecting to sink into the deep blue pools that reminded me so much of the open water--
When I realized I was thinking of the wrong face. Jason had brown eyes, not blue. It was Jason that was kneeling before me, waiting for an answer. Jason who had planned a perfect evening and perfect proposal...
Jason, whose smile had faltered because mine had fallen.
Everything was perfect...
And then I said no.
----
This is my submission for "Day 22" of the 30 Day Writing Challenge: Write a story based on a dream you had, which I've decided to title "Inhale." This was actually difficult to write for a number of reasons: One being the massive writer's block I've been battling for months (which I think is probably evident in this piece); another being that (as the challenge says) this was a real dream I had had earlier this week -- no doubt inspired by my romantic troubles -- and so it took a bit of a tug on the heartstrings to relive it in order to recall the general essence and vibe of the evening (not to mention trying to create enough details to fill the holes since the dream was only of the last scene). But there was a third reason, too, which stems from the second reason.
There is an almost crippling fear that accompanies any writing that involves revealing something personal because you are essentially stripping away all the covers and bearing your mind, heart, and soul naked for all to see. While it might sound brave to do so, the fact remains that it involves a lot of risk because it not only opens you up to judgement, but also creates the possibility of someone else being offended, angry, or hurt (etc.) by what is written. I keep a tell-all personal blog that runs this risk every time I write in it, which, on the one hand, gives me good practice on writing despite fears, but on the other hand I purposefully don't give the url out to just anybody because I'm so afraid. (Don't bother checking the sidebar, the link to it has never been there.) So this particular challenge was frightening because I'm essentially admitting that I'm terrified that years from now someone would be proposing to me and I'll realize I'm not over someone else. No real names were used here, obviously, and poor "Jason" didn't even have a name in the dream, but from what I recalled he seemed like someone who would have a "J" name.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this piece and the small glimpse of my personal life that it gave. I am truly sorry for the horribly slow speed of updates, but I promise you it wasn't for lack of trying. As always, please feel free to comment your thoughts and/or criticisms. And as a reminder to those of you who may not have a google/blogger account, I always leave my posts open to anonymous comments (although please feel free to leave an initial or name somewhere in the comment so that I know you're human :P).
